| | I must make my peace with the grade I predeict I will get from uni. 2.2
I find out at 5PM today and i'm going a little loopy. If I don't think about it, I'm thinking about other things. What Roland said to me, how selfish and egotistical I am, how un-clever (his phrasing, not mine) I am, how my blogs contain nothing and I feel I live my life in a TV drama, how I overreact to my family issues. Everything. And if i'm thinking about that, i'm not thinking about my grades. And then I feel guilty, or something stupid like that.
I know what i'm going to get, really. And it's shameful, but I can't say I didn't try, I just didn't try hard enough, until it was too late. And now the world will judge me, and know how stupid I am, because it's right there, it can't be undone, really. Everybody in the world gets 2.1's, it's just a given, but they're so hard to achieve. I wish to blame the institution, the teachers, the system, but it's all me. Perhaps I was too young to have gone to uni. I don't know... It's probably not the end of my education, I like the idea of studying further, not for the grades, really but for the knowledge.
But I already know, I can learn as much as I possibly could, and still not be clever. I'm still slow on the uptake, and I always will be, people will always use words I don't know, and they'll scowl at me like i'm scum for not knowing. My parents didn't teach me such things, they're less knowledeable about English than I am, but they made it, my Dad is certainly respected, and maybe I should follow in his footsteps... Keep things private, and subtle, be quiet, for most of the time. And don't really have friends except for his wife, whom he kind of loathes for her stupidity at times.
Ugh, that's gonna be me.
2.2
Allright. That's where it begins, at 5PM. |
| | Posted 7/7/2009 10:14 AM - 4 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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